Right now, I’m
supposed to be doing something different. Right now, I’m supposed to be in
school. And I might be, physically, but definitely not mentally.
Right
now, I should be working on an assignment.
Right now I
should be reading the many thoughts of varying different artists and right now
I should be writing my own thoughts about their thoughts.
But right now, I
feel like writing.
…But
not about that. Almost never do I want to write about what school wants me to.
I want to fantasize my own world, and make it come to life. I want to speak of
many silly things that happened in a different day, in a different class, in a
different set of mind. I want to write of all the fallen warriors who fought by
my protagonists’ side for no apparent reason, until I give them one worthy of
their story.
There
are so many ideas in my head, so many people’s storied to tell and universes to
paint (both with words and with… well. Paint) but not right now.
Because
right now, I have to traverse the spinning maelstrom of these ideas back into
the section of my brain cordoned off with caution tap and labelled with a
bright, flashing sign saying SCHOOL. Math, science, history, English. A four course
meal with a few elective sides. Focus on homework, schoolwork. Not on that one
comic you want to draw fanart for. But the characters are so cu-NO. School now, other stuff later.
Why
is it so easy to become distracted? Why is it so easy to put something off
until late at night? I’m one of those strange kids who can’t turn stuff in
late, so why don’t I just get it done? That way, I’d be free to do whatever I
want, like run around in Animal Crossing or draw something for Stand Still Stay
Silent (Here. Have fun). But instead, when I get home, I procrastinate until I can’t anymore.
It’s
sort of a strange problem, there are things I won’t allow myself to do until I
finish my work, but somehow I still find something to distract myself with
until it's... what? 9 PM?
Right now, I’m supposed to do this math
assignment, and write stuff for English. But I’m sure I can check out this site
first… Oh wow look at the time. When did it get dark? Huh!?
So
yeah, if I could just get off my lazy butt and finish my homework before doing
anything else, maybe I would have time to write the story of my protagonists,
and illustrate the fine world of a million different things. But for some
reason it is so hard to do. What is it about school that kills my motivation as
soon as that final bell rings? I know I’d be much happier if I worked now and
messed around later so why can’t I bring myself to do that? Where is the motivation?
…But
right now, I’m getting distracted again.
Wow!! This was amazing!!!
ReplyDeleteI can't believe this is finally in words. I relate to this post so much, because I would so much rather do the stuff that I'm not supposed to be doing. Your last line is my favorite (actually the last paragraph) because I lose all motivation when I know I can go home and cuddle up in my bed and just do things that I want to do. Also, your word choice is phenomenal and I love the way that you organized you paragraphs :)